The Bad-As(s)tro Van Ain't Perfect

The Astro Van has been our dramatically humble abode for a month and a half now. Overall, the living is fairly easy. Pete's commute to work is practically non-existent. We bash our heads into things with increasingly less frequency every day. We've maintained a fairly steady and efficient routine in which I go lolly-gag all day while Pete works his butt off. And I feel like a gangsta when I drive the thing. 

But this 17-year-old former shop-van sure does have its fair share of quirks. Here's an abbreviated list of our annoyances:

1. The radio resets itself every time the keys are removed. Presets aren't saved and when the van is started, the radio is tuned to AM 1400, a fuzzy Chinese-language station. 

2. The windshield wipers conveniently don't work when it's raining. We assume there's a leak somewhere that shorts out the wire when it rains, but we don't really feel like fixing it. And besides, we're pretty experienced when it comes to broken wipers

3. The left blinker does not turn off automatically after turning left. Apologies to the folks behind me who are consistently anticipating the arrival of my destination on the left. 

4. The heater only works intermittently. Either it won't work at all or it will blast for three seconds, turn off and two minutes later, blast for another three seconds. When it's most needed (like for our morning defrost), it definitely won't work.

5. Shifting too quickly from park to drive will cause the van to jerk forward with some mean intensity. It's kind of awkward and probably horrible on the transmission. 

6. The passenger-side window is a pain in the ass to roll down. It often gets stuck at the top, but not always. 

7. The speedometer is 8 mph fast. This leads to an obnoxious amount of math, but also means that the odometer reads more miles than the engine actually has. 

8. There is a serious lack of plumbing.